AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
