Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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