By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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