is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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