at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
