Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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