Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
