As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
