he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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