Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
