I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
