My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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