Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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