You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
