my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
