I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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