But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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