i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
