What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
