i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They took my balls.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
