i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
