tell your sister to shave her snatch
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
