I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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