Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
