Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
