Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
