she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
