Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
