We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
