shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
