the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
