Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
