Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i love accidental penises.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
