So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
