had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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