I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
