peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
