i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
