I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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