dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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