dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
