I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
