when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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