question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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