I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think my tv is drunk
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
