I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
