stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
