Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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