he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
