She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
