You just made me feel so damn special
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
