i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What a dumb baby whore.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
