Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
