dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
