Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
