Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
