evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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